so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Terrible idea I love it
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
