Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
