I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
