i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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