i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize