Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
