A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
