My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Redeem this text for a blowjob
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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