I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
