I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
