just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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