There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
