im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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