Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My pussy is not your playground.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
