Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
