Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
