When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I wish i was in the wii world.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
