So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
