I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
try to milk me bitch
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
