i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
