Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
