I love black thongs
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
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