high people should be assigned attendants
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
