Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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