I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
