My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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