Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
