There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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