its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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