Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
