The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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