Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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