My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
