my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize
