She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
