Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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