new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
