Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Randomize