My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
