I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
