Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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