just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
