If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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