Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You were trust falling into bushes
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
