His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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