so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize