do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
