just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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