I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
