She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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