can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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