i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
FUCK WHALES
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
