Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
