i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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