just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
