he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
