So drunk, too bad you don't want this
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
this will be a night to untag.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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