i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
