Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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