I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
