You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
His nipple licking is glorious
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