as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
