I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
