I faked an abortion last night.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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