haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I stole a fireplace last night.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
