I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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