you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
