My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
