We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
