Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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