my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
