Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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