Dual....:-)
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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