My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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