is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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