When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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