Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
