Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
