it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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