9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
