please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
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