We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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